Laura J. Davis interviews Annette Stanwick

Today, we have a remarkable woman with us, who has faced incredible challenges in her life. Annette Stanwick, author ofForgiveness: The Mystery and Miracle. Annette is an inspirational speaker on a topic that I’m sure many of us find hard to deal with. Annette, thank you for being here with us today and welcome!

Hi Laura and everyone on line. I feel so honoured that Laura has invited me to share with you about my book, FORGIVENESS: THE MYSTERY AND MIRACLE. I hope our time together will be helpful to you in your everyday life.

Annette, your first book was chosen by The Word Guild as the Best Non-Fiction Independently Published Book. You also received The Award of Merit for Life Stories. Tell us about your journey to publication.

Laura, it actually took me 3 years to write, my book for you see I was working all the time. In order to give focus to my book, I dedicated long weekends to writing at a friend’s mountain chalet where I cloistered myself, did lots of thinking, praying, while processing my thoughts and experiences as I wrote.

Once the manuscript was in the form I was happy with, I sent it to a very diverse group of eight individuals who served as a Readers Panel. Their suggestions and comments were invaluable in improving what I had already written. I knew that feedback must never be taken personally, so I didn’t feel the least bit defensive about their comments. If we truly want a great product, we must seek input from those who would purchase our book.

Did you find the process of self-publishing difficult?

Not really. Once I had made the decision to self-publish, after attending a workshop on self-publishing conducted by Kathleen Mailer, I bought two books that were extremely helpful in navigating the process. Self-Publishing 101, by Debbie Elickson and Dan Poynter’s Self-Publishing Manual were amazing tools that helped me do things right and do the right things.

I’ve seen some self-published books that appear self-published and I wanted my book to be professional in appearance, content and format, so I listened to the experts. I was determined I would never sacrifice quality for the sake of a few dollars. I contracted an exceptional team to help me with editing, cover design, and internal layout along with a reputable printing house. It does take tremendous focus and determination to self-publish, but that would be the case with traditional publishing as well.

You have endured more than your fare share of tragedies in your lifetime – a devastating car accident from which you almost died, being shot at in the mission field, getting assaulted while walking home and then the murder of your brother. How did you deal with these life-altering events?

None of those events were easy to endure, Laura, but prayer and allowing God to carry me through them along with making positive personal choices in spite of the deep difficulties, really helped me to rise above, heal and move on. I can truthfully say, that I have actually learned the most about myself, about life and about God through the times of adversity in my life. I have always been open to learning-even learning from the difficult stuff, and when we are open, the learning comes and healing happens even though we may be changed. I wouldn’t want to go through those difficult situations again, but I am so grateful that God has helped me to grow and even benefit by those experiences.

Tragedies often bring about personal growth or the inability to function at all. How did your relationship with Jesus help in your healing?

Many of the situations you’ve described, Laura, have been extremely difficult, but I have learned to rely on the life, words, power and presence of Jesus in my life to get me through. When we encounter difficult situations, it is human nature to reel, question and manoeuvre, doing everything in our power to fix, change or control the situation.

I found that when I focused my attention on Jesus and his wonderful qualities that I needed in the situation, rather than on my own pain and misfortune, he began changing me from the inside out.

Why is forgiveness so important?

That’s really a good question Laura. The short answer is that forgiveness brings peace and freedom from a painful experience. But your question deserves a longer response.

None of us are immune to being hurt by others, nor are we immune to creating hurtful situations. Unless we find a way to heal the hurts, we can go on hurting for a very long time-even for the rest of our lives. Hurting people go on to hurt others, and the hurts go on and on; perpetuating more hurts. I call that “The Cycle of Woundedness”.

When we’ve been hurt or wounded, our normal human response is to retaliate or hurt the person who has hurt us. Withholding forgiveness, or a stance of unforgiveness can actually lock us in our own personal prison of anger, fear, resentment and hatred. Scientists have proven that when those types of emotions are harboured over a period of time, they actually harm us physically and emotionally. Those negative emotions or feelings result in increased heart rate, high blood pressure, increased production of some hormones, diabetes, anxiety and depression. I recently learned from a chiropractor that many of his clients are literally “tied in knots” because they cannot or will not forgive.

When we forgive we are actually letting go and releasing our tight grip on bitterness, anger, fear, hatred or even guilt and shame. Anger and fear are heavy burdens to carry. When we let go of those burdens, never to pick them up again, we can experience freedom and peace in spite of the hurtful situation.

Individuals are often afraid to forgive because they have the mistaken impression that they would be condoning what has occurred. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse or erase what has happened, but it does release us from the toxic affects of how that situation affects us.

Obviously your personal beliefs and faith have affected how you look at life. What do you say to someone who is angry with God because of his or her own personal tragedies?

First of all I would say to that individual that I understand anger with God because I too was angry with God for a time for allowing my brother to be murdered. In saying that, however, I also came to the realization that God’s own Son, Jesus, died at the hands of murderers, so he understood my anger and he also understands the anger of your readers.

I don’t believe for one minute that God causes terrible things to happen. Unfortunately human beings make very poor choices. Even good people make poor choices and terrible things happen because of those choices. We all have freedom of choice and God never forces us to make good choices.

What is one thing you want people to gain from reading your book?

I want people to understand that no matter what happens in life, we always have a choice in how we respond. We may not be able to choose what happens, but we certainly can choose our response, and our response makes all the difference in our future happiness and our ability to move on rather than remain stuck in anger and fear. Anger and fear and all their sub-emotions are the most common feelings we experience when a hurtful thing happens.

Another very important point is that withholding forgiveness doesn’t hurt the other person-it hurts us and prevents us from experiencing happiness and freedom.

In your book you say that God’s healing mercy has moved you from a role of victim to a role of victor. What was crucial in making that happen?

Laura, when hurtful things happen we often feel victimized by the situation. It’s very easy to spiral into victim-hood when we focus on “Poor me, “ “ Look at what has happened, ” “I’ll never get over this.” Or “I’ll never forgive them for what they did.”

We often don’t realize we have a choice to rise above situations. When my brother was murdered, I prayed that God would help me make good choices because I wanted to recover from the situation. As I look back, I made 3 very important choices:

1. I didn’t want my life to be consumed by Soren’s murder.
2. I wanted to be happy again in spite of the terrible thing that happened and,
3. I wanted to grow from the experience.

When something catapulted me into pain and grief again, I actually asked myself: “Is this thought I’m having, helping me with the choices I’ve made? I would then pray that God would help me with the negative even hateful thoughts I was having.
Making those positive choices put me in a position of being in control of my response and being victorious over that situation rather staying stuck as victim of my brother’s murder.

Are you surprised at what God has you doing in this season of your life?

Laura, when I let go of my grip on anger and fear and offered forgiveness to my brother’s murderers, I was surprised by the passion God placed in my heart to help others heal from their painful past experiences. He also gave me an ability to write and speak about the freedom that comes through the miracle of forgiveness.

As a result of my book and my willingness to share, God is opening the way for some of the most amazing opportunities to speak to individuals, to women’s groups, university students, professional associations, and even prisoners inside prison walls.

When my brother was murdered I never dreamed I would one day stand before convicted murderers telling them that God will never love what they’ve done, but that he loves them in spite of what they’ve done.

Annette, as well as a writer you are a gifted speaker. How does someone contact you for speaking engagements and what topics do you speak about?

For speaking opportunities I can be contacted by visiting my websitewww.annettestanwick.com 
I am available for keynote messages, seminars and workshops from 1 hour to 3 days in length.

Some of my most common topics that can be tailored to specific audiences include:
• LETTING GO AND LIVING FREE Strategies to eliminate the grudges, fear and self-limiting behaviours that keep us stuck

• UNSTOPPABLE JOY Joyous living in spite of the turmoil

• CAPTIVATING COMPASSION A life-altering look at how much God loves us

• CLIMB YOUR MOUNTAIN Facing life’s obstacles with triumph

• THE KEYS TO FREEDOM Formulating a personal “Freedom Formula”

• BE ALL YOU CAN BE Strategies for living everyday life with passion and positive perspective

Where can your book be purchased?

My book can be purchased on-line through www.amazon.com, through my website,www.annettestanwick.com or through your local bookstore. Bookstores can order the book for you if they do not have the book in stock.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

I want to add that it is important we forgive even though the other person hasn’t asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness heals us rather more than it heals the other person.

Another point is that oftentimes the most difficult person to forgive is us. We tend to beat up on ourselves forever, living constantly with the shame and guilt of our own actions. God loves us so much he gave his Son’s life for our sin. We can’t change what we’ve done, but we can give our hearts and our mistakes to God, allowing him to deal with them and he will always deal with us with love.

So I say, “Let go of the painful past. Let go of shameful mistakes. Let go and live free!”

Thanks Annette!

Original Interview Posted Here: http://interviewsandreviews.blogspot.com/search/label/Annette%20Stanwick